“We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
This beautiful breath of mine,
Moving through all the parts,
Cracking me open,
Gently pushing against my boundaries,
Sometimes moving beyond.
The breath can feel
Things my eyes cannot see
The breath can feel
Things my brain mutes.
The breath can calm me.
Energize me,
Balance me.
There’s a whole world to be explored
Inside these beautiful breaths.
Linking each moment
Through inhalation
And Exhalation.
The world inside.
Reflects the outside.
The outside reflects in.
The breath shines light
Through all the layers
Within me,
Around me,
Encompassing me.
Coming home to myself with each breath.
I am sitting here holding both grief and gratitude. Last weekend, I closed out a journey with a group of unique and amazing humans. Being in sangha with such a special group has been so transformational for me.
For 7 months, we breathed almost every day together. We joined each other in 6 different rituals to help process the thoughts and feelings that awakened within our individual unique breaths. We screamed. We roared. We cried together. I cried a lot. We laughed. We danced. We sat still. We laid down and rested. We moved. We breathed together. We met once a month to learn a bunch of sciencey shit. I discovered that the science shit definitely lives in my body and is sloooowly absorbing into my brain and vocabulary.
I unraveled parts of myself that were ready to move to and shift. I learned to bless and honor the parts of me that I struggle to love and met them with kindness and compassion. Like I really met those parts with compassion… instead of just saying the words…I actually held space for myself.
I confronted pain in a way I have never experienced before. Physically I was alone and energetically held by so many open and tender hearts. I sat in front of my computer alone in my room. My tears drenching the journal I read from while these beautiful souls continued to hold so much space. They listened to me pour my heart out. They didn’t judge me as my journal absorbed my tears. Not once did I feel alone.
I learned how to really study my own breath. Actually listen to it. I discovered if I get quiet enough, messages can be delivered through it. I can hear my own voice telling me the things I needed to hear. I can hear the whispers of the universe guiding me on my path. Yes, this experience has happened to me in small doses during my movement practices, my resting practices, and other journeys I’ve been on. However, this time I felt as if I delivered myself a gift. Giving myself the gift of apprenticing my own breath. It has given me more clarity than I’ve ever had before about who I truly am to my core.
Thank you Alicia Barmon for leading us, teaching us, and holding space for us to be however we needed to be in any moment. Thank you Amanda for creating this art that all of us can share and keep on our altars to continue to honor this sacred time we experienced together. I will be getting this art tattooed on my body to remind me of how sacred this time has been. Thank you Nikkie for being my partner in empathy - even though our “how to actually offer empathy guide” is still being written LOL. Thank you Dante for consistently supporting my business and supporting the world with your continued offering of healing! Thank you Laurie Leonard for giving me the nudge I needed to reach out to Alicia to do this essential work.
As I write this, I am feeling the heaviness of grief that comes and goes like waves in the ocean. When the wave crashes and there is a little bit of time before the next wave comes, I can also feel so much gratitude. I have learned that grief exists because love exists. I am beyond grateful for the love that I feel for the individuals in the group, the teachers who continue to teach practices that enhance us emotional beings, and for myself. As I continue to breathe, every breath I take will always remind me of this journey - and for that - I am grateful.
