“There is so much power in the pause. Yet we resist it. Refusing the pause limits our access to our own innate power. We have to start asking why we refuse and deny ourselves the pause. Why are we fighting against our own power and scrambling around so much. Pause.”
- Octavia Raheem, Author of Pause, Rest, Be
Days leading up to my first time hosting a weekend retreat, I found myself phone in hand in awe of the texts and calls of well wishes from my friends, clients, and mentors. Everyone was wishing me luck on my first retreat. I was feeling super excited, prepared AND anxious about holding an in-person event in the middle of a COVID surge during this pandemic. The to-do list a week prior to hosting a weekend retreat can feel overwhelming in itself, and thinking about the COVID surge adds another layer of anxiety all together.
My fear of ‘what could go wrong” showed up in many forms. I compulsively reviewed my lists and paced through my apartment so many times even though I knew I had everything I needed. At times, I came close to running from my fears instead of facing them. I even called my friends panicking that maybe I should cancel. But, I didn’t run - I faced them. I found myself lying down - I took some slow deep breaths and took a rest from the lists, the planning, the talking, and the worrying. I let the anxiety pass through my body and found that place of peace right in the center of my heart. This created space for me to remember why I believed I needed to do this in the first place.
The collective anxiety and depression that is caused by these isolating times is bigger than me and my fears. I can push past the stories that my mind tells me and come back to my hear and my breath. In my heart I knew that people were choosing to do what feels best for them to come together in a healing community and rest. And I wanted to give them the gift of peace and rest.
Sometimes, I teach a class, and that hour doesn’t feel like enough. The sweet moments of conversation before and after class doesn’t feel like enough. Even holding day retreats for 5 hours… doesn’t feel like enough. But this… a full weekend of unwinding, breathing, moving, lots of resting, and connecting. THAT, my friends, felt like just enough.
I am forever grateful for this community that surrounds me - this community of magical humans doing their very best to show up and share their gifts with this world. There’s always space for a gentle reminder that some moments of rest can amplify the power that each one of us holds.
Some arrived with no intention and other arrived with intentions such as:
“Reboot my brain”
“Teach myself grounding”
“Get back to me”
“Pause”
“Be taken care of”
“Find my intention”
“Get back into yoga”
“Listen to my intuition”
“To be happy”
“To just be”
“To do what I want”
As I listened to everyone share their individual intentions, I could see the heads nodding and each person's heart connecting with another - so many could relate to the need for community, solitude, and self-care!
Each night as I was going to bed, the vibrations of new connections radiated the retreat center. The belly laughter echoed as some chose to play Cards Against Humanity and the wine was flowing.
During a check-in, the retreaters shared that they were experiencing things they didn’t even expect. One person mustered up the courage to make a call she had been scared of for a long time. She chose to have the conversation she needed to have because she felt safe and supported.
There was so much beauty in taking a weekend with community in a time where there is so much disconnection, isolation, and fear. There was so much peace in a weekend of rest in a time where nature is calling us to go inward, be cozy, and renew. I am beyond grateful that I found the strength, the courage, and the capacity to create a space where individuals could come together to share in the communal pain of the state of this world right now. I witnessed the beauty of others sharing their pain and letting it go to discover the love they still have for themselves and the new connections made during the retreat. I am a full-believer that pain and love can exist at the same time, in the same moment, if you have a safe space to experience it all. I am proud to say that I created such space and can’t wait to have the opportunity to do so again!
Click here to check out next retreat this summer at Blue Mountain Retreat Center!
